The start of a new school year can bring a mixture of excitement and anxiety for children and their families. New teachers, new routines, busy classrooms and increased expectations can all take some adjustment.
For some children, however, the transition back to school can highlight challenges that have been present for a while, particularly around attention, communication, emotional regulation, sensory processing, organisation or social interaction.
If your child is finding school significantly harder than their peers, it may be a sign that they need some additional support. It may also be an opportunity to explore whether underlying neurodevelopmental differences, such as autism or ADHD, could be contributing to their experiences.
What signs should parents look out for?
Every child is different, and experiencing one or two of these difficulties does not necessarily mean that a child is autistic or has ADHD. However, a consistent pattern of challenges across different situations may be worth discussing with your child’s school or a healthcare professional.
- They find transitions particularly difficult
Moving from one activity to another can be challenging for some children. You might notice that your child becomes very distressed when routines change, struggles to get ready in the morning, or needs significantly more preparation than other children for changes to their day.
Children who are autistic may particularly value predictability and routine, while children with ADHD may find it difficult to stop one activity and shift their attention to another.
- Getting ready for school becomes a daily struggle
Does your child regularly lose shoes, books, uniform or homework? Do they need repeated reminders to complete everyday tasks?
Difficulty with planning, organisation, remembering instructions and managing time can be associated with ADHD. For some autistic children, difficulties with executive functioning can also make seemingly simple routines surprisingly demanding.
It’s important to remember that these challenges are not necessarily about being “lazy” or “not trying”. A child may genuinely find it difficult to organise and sequence what needs to happen next.
- They become overwhelmed by the school environment
School can be a highly stimulating environment. Noise, crowds, bright lights, smells, busy corridors and constant social interaction can be exhausting for some children.
You may notice your child:
- Covering their ears or becoming distressed by noise
- Avoiding crowded or particularly busy environments
- Becoming overwhelmed in assemblies, lunch halls or playgrounds
- Needing significant downtime after school
- Having emotional outbursts when they get home
- Appearing exhausted despite having had a seemingly “normal” school day
Some children hold themselves together throughout the school day and release their emotions once they feel safe at home. This can sometimes be referred to as masking or “holding it together” at school.
- They struggle to maintain attention
All children lose concentration sometimes. However, persistent difficulties with attention may affect learning, friendships and everyday life.
You might notice that your child:
- Finds it difficult to listen to or follow instructions
- Frequently starts tasks but doesn’t finish them
- Is easily distracted by things happening around them
- Daydreams or appears not to hear when spoken to
- Needs instructions repeated several times
- Has difficulty concentrating on tasks they find uninteresting
- Can focus intensely on activities they particularly enjoy
Attention difficulties can have many causes, including tiredness, anxiety, learning difficulties and other factors. ADHD is one possible explanation, but a thorough assessment considers the whole picture.
- Their emotions seem particularly big
Some children experience emotions very intensely or find it difficult to regulate them.
Perhaps small frustrations lead to very strong reactions, your child struggles to recover after becoming upset, or they frequently experience what appear to be “meltdowns” after a demanding day.
Emotional regulation difficulties can occur for many different reasons. For autistic children, sensory overload, unexpected changes or communication difficulties can contribute. Children with ADHD may also experience challenges with impulsivity and emotional regulation.
Rather than focusing only on the behaviour itself, it can be helpful to ask: What is making this situation difficult for my child?
- Friendships are difficult
School is not just about academic learning. For many children, navigating friendships and social situations can be one of the most demanding parts of the school day.
You may notice that your child:
- Finds it difficult to make or maintain friendships
- Prefers spending time alone
- Finds group activities challenging
- Struggles to understand social rules or “unwritten” expectations
- Has frequent misunderstandings with other children
- Talks extensively about particular interests
- Finds conversations or taking turns particularly difficult
These experiences can sometimes be associated with autism or ADHD, although social difficulties can have many different explanations.
- Homework causes disproportionate stress
Homework can reveal challenges that aren’t always obvious in the classroom.
A child may understand the work perfectly well but struggle to start it, remember what they need to do, organise their materials or sustain attention long enough to finish.
If homework regularly results in significant distress, arguments or exhaustion, this is worth discussing with the school. The issue may not be a lack of ability; your child may need a different approach or additional support to demonstrate what they can do.
Questions you may have:
This is an important question.
Some children are extremely good at hiding or compensating for their difficulties during the school day. They may appear quiet, compliant and capable at school but experience significant exhaustion or distress once they get home.
Parents sometimes hear, “But they do so well at school.”
That doesn’t necessarily mean that there aren’t challenges.
It’s helpful to look at your child’s overall experience rather than relying on one environment. How much effort does it take them to get through the school day? What happens afterwards? Are they able to relax, eat, sleep and engage in family life, or are they completely overwhelmed?
There is no single point at which a parent “should” seek an assessment.
You may want to consider speaking to your child’s school or seeking professional advice if difficulties are:
- Persistent rather than occasional
- Affecting learning or academic progress
- Affecting friendships or family life
- Causing significant anxiety or distress
- Leading to frequent emotional outbursts or shutdowns
- Affecting sleep, eating or everyday routines
- Becoming increasingly difficult to manage as demands increase
- Present across more than one setting
A diagnostic assessment isn’t about putting a label on a child. It can be about understanding why they are experiencing the world differently and identifying what support may help them thrive.
If you’re concerned about your child’s wellbeing or development, start by keeping a simple record of what you’re noticing.
Write down examples of situations that are difficult, what happened before the difficulty, how your child responded and what helped. It can also be useful to speak with their teacher or SENCO to understand whether similar patterns are being seen at school.
Most importantly, try to approach your child’s difficulties with curiosity rather than blame.
Instead of asking, “Why won’t they behave?”, consider asking, “What is making this difficult for them?”
That change in perspective can be incredibly valuable.
Supporting your child while you seek answers
You don’t need to wait for a diagnosis before supporting your child.
Schools may be able to make adjustments based on a child’s individual needs, and simple changes at home can sometimes make everyday life easier. Clear routines, visual reminders, advance warning of changes, regular breaks and a calm space to decompress may all be helpful depending on your child’s needs.
Every child deserves to feel understood and supported whether or not they ultimately receive an autism or ADHD diagnosis.
If you recognise several of these signs in your child, you don’t have to work it out alone. Speaking to an appropriately qualified professional can help you understand what may be contributing to your child’s difficulties and what the next steps could look like.
If you’re considering an autism or ADHD assessment for your child, our team in Nottinghamshire is here to help.
We offer autism and ADHD assessments for young people aged 13+. Get in touch with our team at assessments@portland.ac.uk to discuss your child’s needs.